do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
