I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
