i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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