I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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