Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
