I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
