I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
