why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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