his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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