I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
well you can't waste a boner
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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