Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
