So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
and she was petting her beer can
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
