Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
