***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
