if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
