Heybabeimwearingurpanties
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
