She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
