There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
