i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
