at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
