I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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