I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
