A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
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I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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