i permit you to call me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He better not be in your backpack
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
