i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
