I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
