Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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