Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
