i would punch a child for taco bell
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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