If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
