If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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