Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
