Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
