watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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