The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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