The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
