you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
