I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
