Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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