She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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