she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
