there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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