this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
