i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
