Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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