Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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