I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
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Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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