How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think a kid would responsible me up
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
