I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We left the knife in your bed.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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