He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
