I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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