my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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