are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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