Nicole vs. Life
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
