the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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