so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
