You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
