Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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