If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
