so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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