I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
