I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
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Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
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How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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