i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
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That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
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I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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