My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
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We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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