Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
