Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
