angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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