sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
