If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
