apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize