she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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