Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
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Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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