That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
