i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just gift wrapped bread.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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