im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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